Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
