So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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