i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
