I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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