Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Randomize
