she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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