I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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