I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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