What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
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I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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