so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Screwed.edu
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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