I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
