I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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