If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm so fucking centered right now
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
