what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
