Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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