Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
