Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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