Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
