I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
should my penis look like a turkey
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
