Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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