My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
