The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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