8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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