Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
