he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
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All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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