Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
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I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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