I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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