I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
