I love black thongs
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
