I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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