i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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