Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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