It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
