Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
