Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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