Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
