and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
