ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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