i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
