I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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