in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
