marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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