he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
