Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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