Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
