Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I could make wine with my vomit
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
