Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
