whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the raccoons are back...
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