not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm both gender and math confused
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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