i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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