dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
