Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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