Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need a beard to bite.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
