tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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