do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
