haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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