I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
