Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
