I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
