TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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