Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
