I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He passed out mid-signature
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
