ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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