never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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