i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
