great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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