Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
