Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
