Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
