I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
