Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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