I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
