so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
