69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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